~* 7:35pm Friday nite...

Still in my freezer like office. Freakin cold here. Lights on my side of the office are out. Good thing there are still a few blessed, hardworking souls around to keep me company. To be honest, it's kinda nice. All serene, with my fave tunes blasting into my lil head. Nice. The bliss of having not much life, and having a beau who lives an hour's flight away. he wanted to fly back to be with me for the weekend, but i told him I am busy. Yeah, I am weird like that. Any girls would be thrilled... well, it feels nice to have someone doing things like that for you. But, circumstantial. It's always circumstantial. I don't feel the need to see him all the time. I like saying I have no life, but, I am pretty much always preoccupied with something or another. I guess in a big way, it's a good thing. A girl's got to always know how to be with and by herself, relying on no one but herself to be happy. Probably has something to do with being a Cancerian too, I guess. Sometimes I wish I am not that darn independent, that darn strong... sometimes. But then rational kicks in. I would have faltered in life (not that I haven't been there...) if I am not like that. Yes, yes, I am happy to have someone's adoration, affection... love, perhaps? But like so many other things in life, nothing is certain. Good things almost always doesn't last. And when that happens, as the cliche goes, you'll only have yourself.
Yes, yes...it's one of those melancholic nites. I ain't frowning though. On the contrary, I feel contented. At this very moment, I don't think I need anything more....at this very moment. Maybe later. Maybe when I step out of this freezer place. Maybe then the loneliness will start. But then again, even then, I know I'll stil have me.

~*I know I am so into him when I start neglecting the others' emails...attention...and there's only him running through my brain in my every waking second... Muaks...yes babe, I think I am falling for you too.

~*true lust and then a bit...

A month ago, I said with conviction, I am not in love. A month later now, I am not so sure anymore. You know what they say about people in love are nicer. I think I am a statistic now. Blasting cheesy songs into my brains' a new ritual before going home after work now. How it all began? Booze. It's all the booze. Booze, moonlight and sea. All the elements to lure unsuspecting bozos into this sinister thing call love.

Ok, so what do you expect from a cynic in...or almost in love? Anyways, it wasn't love at first sight, for sure. Lust would be the correct emotion. Lust and impulse.
Funnily though, what was supposed to be a one night holiday romance...nah... lust,turned out to be just... a bit more than we both asked for, or even expected. Turned out that he could be someone that I could actually be with, despite the the minor setbacks like being 7 years older than him, or the fact that he might be just too rich for me. Pretty much most of my reservations towards him, all reasonings I gave myself to not give in, dissipated along the course of this month. So I thought it's just right that I actually write about it. This drastic change in my emo state.

I have to say that in the midst of my sucky existence, his adorations gave me something to smile about. I think I'm now free falling into him, and I can't deny that it's a pretty good place to be...all calming, soothing, always reassuring and warm. I could get use to this, so someone please stop me ...

OK ok. Those were pretty diabetic stuff, but hey, a woman's a woman. I have my sickly sweet (read - makes u wanna puke) moments too.