~* one of those damned, depressing night...

So, picking up from the below, we went out, to party, and also for my semi-blind "date" or whatever. Been emailing with this guy, let's call him FakeMo, he says he's morbid, pessimist, seems like a guy with substance and all that, but nah... he thinks but he ain't. So like I was saying, email turned to texting, soon it was phone calls. I, began to get more into him, by the day. You see, I ain't that bright. I can and has been proven to have the ability fall for a person, strictly for his personality, and in this case through phone and mails. Now that being said, my Exs, are all pretty decent looking ones mind u. Gee… probably that's why they are exs now. Anyway, getting back to it, FakeMo was, attractive to me, in his wit, intelligence and all that, I thought he was.
So, we met him, he was…thin, but tall. And he wears corduroy. Anyways, remember the personality over
physicality?? Ok to be fair, he’s kinda cute. But he turned out to be a different person from the one I’ve been talking to. He was a quiet little mouse in the club, and there was this sadness in his eyes that kinda, in a weird way, I know, makes me wanna pull him to my chest just “soothe his aching soul”. Yea, crappy…no shit. Anyways, apparently FakeMo’s like that in club, and his friends testified to that. I guess that’s a Gemini thing?? I dunno. It didn’t lessen the feelings I have for him, unfortunately. My stupid heart wants more of him, and my stupid brain didn’t stop to think.

Anyways, that was last night. And what happened today, really inspired my lazy arsed fingers to work overtime…U see, I believe I have depression. Actually, “believe” would be and understatement. But moving on, we were texting and I called him, but he didn’t answer my call. Then my stupid brain suddenly starts working, and I remembered him never answering calls in the evening. Nights yes but not evening. And I just texted him, as a joke but also subconsciously believing that he may NOT be as single as he claims to be. I told him I think that he married and thus, can’t pick up my calls, cost the wife’s around. But he replied calling me silly monkey (like WTF!!) and that he’s an eligible bachelor. So I texted again saying if he’s not married then he must have a gf of multiple…to which he replied
that, THAT was bit complicated to answer. DAMN. This is where Ms Dumb learns to stop asking questions if you aren’t ready for the answers. But anyway…we got on to talking about hanging out over coffee but ended up being invited to his house, to chill... which I found out later that, his Ex is still living in that same house, and that he is miserable about that and also that he has been sleeping in the living room for the past few months. Thankfully she’s not around and no, there weren’t anything remotely naughty going on. Sad isn’t it! Damn. Honestly though, was really not anticipating that.
I was feeling damn depressed and was on the brink of screaming. I just need someone who understands, to talk to. I just want a good deep conversation. Something with substance, and not just for fun and laughs. But guess what we did, we chatted abit, and ended up watching Devil’s Advocate until 3 freaking A.M. Now that is a good movie but my mind is bursting with things I want to say to him. I finally did say something. I told him, I thought I found a friend to share these parts of my thoughts with. Things that my other girlfriends don’t talk about, much less tries to understand.
I told him I was wrong about him. I thought he has more substance and that I am disappointed that the person I’ve been talking to all this while is not real in person. But he said it was late and brain’s shutting down. Well then, don’t invite me over, friggin phony! Nah…that part was not spoken out loud, of course. The entire time he was also replying texts, I presume, to other chicks in his fucking playing field. Now I know that I am in no position to be jealous…just venting some frustration here. He kept apologizing for being quiet, cos he’s tired. But what I keep thinking is…you are no different from any other male after all. I am now pretty certain that he has a legionnaire of chicks waiting for his “affections” cos he has 2 fucking beamers, and stupid dorky, boyish face and wards of cash to spare…did I mention before that rich people turns me off…sometimes.. well mostly because I m just a jealous lil bitch… Anyways, that’s that. Another one bites the dust. I ain’t gonna lie. I am fucking frustrated. Why has it been so difficult to meet someone that I can talk to, who gets me?? Yea, ok, I know I m picky and pretty darn complex, but I am, kinda cute, according to others, I kid u not :p and I’ve come to realize that, if I offer someone new a chance to get to know the real me, he/she will end up loving me, not lovers kind of love, but. U know, love. I know I sound like a fucking conceited bitch now… but hey, I’ve just had my heart crashed. Let me be.

On a positive note though, I’ve also realized that with every heartaches, I do grow stronger. I feel so. But does it HAVE to be so many freakin heartaches???